HEADLINES FROM
THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California
.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still
closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica
. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States
Senate
still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532
Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts
executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New
federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030
.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.