Hunting Forum

 WELL HELLO  TO ALL YOU GUYS AND GALS... good morning  and im hoping these jokes will make you smile..and find all of you in good health........... Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first onesays," Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you same something that you didnt mean?" The second guy says ,"yeah,I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had this huge rack, and instead of asking for 2 tickets to pittsburgh, I asked for 2 tickets to Titsburgh." The first guy says,"yeah, wellI was having breakfast withy wife last week,and instead of saying," honey, please pass me the sugar."  I said, youve ruined my life, you stupid bi#ch!

A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!" "Shall i pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever, just so your out of the house by noon!"

Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical checkup. After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. jonesand says following: Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old.There is one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I strongly suggest that you diet, now to save any complications in later years. She looks sternly at him and says, i demand a second opinion." "ok", He says, " your friggin ugly as well! lol

Good morning to all..im back with a few more.... A rescue team finds the crashed airplane.The lone suvivior is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones net to him, and the rescurers are shocked. He says,"You cant judge me for this, I had to survive." The leader of the rescue team says,"But jesus christ man......your plane only went down yesterday!"

Doctor: "Your wife either has alzheimers or aids." Huband: "How can we find out which?" " I need you to run a little experiment this weekend." "Take your wife to the park and leave her there.If she finds her way home, dont scre#w her."

3 boys recieved their grades from their female sex ed. teacher. 1 got a D+, the second a D-, and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this,"said the first boy. "I agree. Well grab her...."said the second. "Yeah," said the third. "And then well kick her in the nuts!"

A little boy wakes up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parents bedroom he peeks in throuh the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb." lol

The queen was showing the archbishop of Canterbury around the royalstable, when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldnt be ignored. "Oh dear," said the queen,"How embarrassing. Im frightfully sorry about that." "Its quite understandable," said the archbishop, and after a moment, added, "As a matter of fact, I thought it was a horse." lmao

One golfer tells another golfer: "Hey guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies,"Great trade!"

Penus Von Lesbian decided he wanted to be an actor so he went to see an agent... After the interview the agent says "I think you've got a great future in acting, but we're going to have to change your name... Well Penus didn't want to do that, and said no way... After a heated argument the agent finally kicked Penus out of his office telling him "you'll never amount to anything more than someones yard boy".

About a year later the agent was riding through Beverly Hills when he saw Penus mowing the lawn of a huge mansion... Well the agent just couldn't help himself... He got out of his Limo and walked up to Penus laughing and says "see, I told you that you'd never be any more then someone's yard boy!"

Penus looked at him with a smile and say's "oh no, I finally took your advise and changed my name, that's my mansion, I just love to mow my own lawn... The agent was stunned for a minute but finally manages to ask "well what did you change your name too?" Penus looked at him and said "Dick Van Dyke!"...

 

LARRY

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter mommy, asked Larry, 'Giving up?'

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..... '








My Plaid

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers...

They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos sign reads: 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'

Jose says "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."

Carlos says "So what does your sign say?"





Wait for it.............





























Jose shows Carlos his sign... It reads : 'I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico '

Good morning everbody.I hope eveybody is safe and still smiling even though we are all going throgh a political crisis. First off thanks for the good jokes Holly and LUNKERDOG...really funny stuff... I love getting up and reading other jokes....makes the day go by..lol..............On a side note..Holly when i got my can openers they screwed up the order.. and only sent me one set...I complained, and they said they would send the other set..and two other additional sets for my inconvenience...lol...now this was a great buy...thought you would like to know...woo hoooo

oops..i forgot to mention that i apoligize for some of these long posts..without anything on it and sometimes more than one post of the same thing...im a 2 finger typer.Sometimes stuff moves and i dont realize it till its too late...once again sorry......and then with that out of the way..............

A deep sea diver is 20 feet below sea level when he sees another man with no scuba gear.He goes down another 30 feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him.He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "how in the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The other man takes the chalkboard and writes,"You azzho#e, I m drowning."

A woman walks into a store and puchases the following:1 small box of detergent,1 bar of soap,3 individual servings of yogurt,2 oranges,1 stick of deodorant.She then goes to the checkout line.The cashier says, "Oh, you must be single." The chick replies,"You can tell that ,just by what i bought?" The cashier says, "No,your really friggin ugly!"

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother," Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." " Then why are you sad?" Her mother asked." Because he told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesnt even believe theres a hell." Her mother replied,"Marry him anway. Between the two us, well show him how wrong he is."

A couple drove down a country road, not sayin g a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replies.."In-laws!"

One day an 85- year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes,and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing.... "I remember helping to build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that.B ut people wont call you "the bridge builder" if you do that here. No ,no, they dont." "I remember building that house over there when i was 30. But people wont call you " the house builder" if you do that. No, no, they dont." I remember building that tavern, that i still lounge in, at the age of 35. If you do that people wont call you "the tavern builder"either. They sure wont. "But if you hump one goat......."

A wife says to her friend, Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, Do you ever look at your husbands face when your having sex?"She says, "Just once, and I saw rage." Her friend says,"Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says," Because he was looking through the window at us."