yote
Posts:753
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| 26 Aug 2012 07:55 AM |
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a man walks out of his house one morning and see an escaped gorilla on his roof so he calls the zoo. the zookeeper shows up in a van truck with a ladder, a bat, a doberman and a pistol. the homeowner askes,"what's the gun for?"
the zookeeper says,"I'm gonna climb up on your roof knock the gorilla down with my bat, the dog will grab him by the nuts and drag him into the truck!"
"but what is the gun for?"
" are you dumb? sometimes the gorilla knocks me off the roof and I have to shoot the dog!" |
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| so goes the church, so goes the nation |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 27 Aug 2012 02:34 AM |
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 Im sorry everybody...my main puter went bye bye last night while i was in here  .So now i have to deal with my moms ...laptop  ....so ill try... |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 27 Aug 2012 02:49 AM |
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 thanks coyoteslayer This will me get by for a few days  |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 12:32 AM |
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sorry everybody...i have tried twice to put in jokes but on this stupid lap top....it keeps kicking me out of the site before i can finish a joke |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 12:34 AM |
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ill try again in a minute....woooo hooo |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 01:03 AM |
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A new pastor is visiting the homes of some of his parishioners.Heone house it seemed obvius, that some one WAS HOME.....SO HE TOOK OUT A CARD AND WROTE "REVELATION 3:20 AND STUCK IT IN THE DOOR.wHEN THE OFFERING was proceesed the next sunday,hesaw that his card had been returned.added to it was 3:10.Checking his bible to make sure he remembered the citaion right... He broke out in laughter."Revelation 3:20 begins" behold, i stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:30, reads"I heard your voice from the garden,and i was afraid, for i was naked....lmao |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 01:03 AM |
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A new pastor is visiting the homes of some of his parishioners.Heone house it seemed obvius, that some one WAS HOME.....SO HE TOOK OUT A CARD AND WROTE "REVELATION 3:20 AND STUCK IT IN THE DOOR.wHEN THE OFFERING was proceesed the next sunday,hesaw that his card had been returned.added to it was 3:10.Checking his bible to make sure he remembered the citaion right... He broke out in laughter."Revelation 3:20 begins" behold, i stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:30, reads"I heard your voice from the garden,and i was afraid, for i was naked....lmao |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 01:13 AM |
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I hate this lap top..but fortunatly i should get my puter back tomorrow....Im very sorry i just had a bad string of luck...hopefully ill get to hunt this yearand still be able to make peeps laugh inhere...its such a pain.....but i love my mom..injune she became a member of the amputee club.."right leg above the knee."So i do all the cooking,washing, grocery shopping...and much other things i wish not to discuss.....im just hoping to go shoot some meat..and relax for a few hours...lol...like thats gonna happen |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 01:14 AM |
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I hate this lap top..but fortunatly i should get my puter back tomorrow....Im very sorry i just had a bad string of luck...hopefully ill get to hunt this yearand still be able to make peeps laugh inhere...its such a pain.....but i love my mom..injune she became a member of the amputee club.."right leg above the knee."So i do all the cooking,washing, grocery shopping...and much other things i wish not to discuss.....im just hoping to go shoot some meat..and relax for a few hours...lol...like thats gonna happen |
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holly
Posts:2393
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| 29 Aug 2012 06:29 PM |
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Ok we can all get in trouble with this one .
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear..
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.
1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football , motor sports or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1 .. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh...
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh, because its true!
We'll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we'll be new friends every day thereafter
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holly
Posts:2393
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| 29 Aug 2012 06:34 PM |
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First came the commemorative coins, then the T-shirts, and then the plates! Now, something for the rest of us... Use sparingly...I find that it irritates my ass!! | | <!-- Start Signature --> " America |
Use sparingly...I find that it irritates my as$ " America |
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rthomas4
Posts:2441
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| 29 Aug 2012 06:42 PM |
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I want the makers of those new zombie spatter targets to come out with an Obama version!!!!! Hell, maybe even a Biden, Pelosi, Reid, Bloomberg, etc., etc., etc.,!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| NRA LM, NAHC LM, Buckmasters LM, Second Amendment Foundation, GOA, NAGR, Palmetto Gun Rights, DU, NWTF, QDMA, Everyday Hunter,OYOA, ASAdspalliance,D& DH, and PROUD SC redneck REBEL for life. If the South had won the war, Obama wouldn't be in the White House. |
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holly
Posts:2393
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| 29 Aug 2012 06:44 PM |
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Sorry had to do this .
MOMS MEMORY
Normally I don't send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine.
This is so beautiful.....
A little boy said to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
His mother replied, " Don 't even go there Barack! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!"
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 10:39 PM |
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hEY RTHOMAS ill try to remember that target...ill tell you in afew....Maybe we can request some  |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 10:46 PM |
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They are DARKOTIC SPLATTERING TARGETS...ILL FIND A WEB SITE TOMMOROW..AND ILL REQUEST SOME...WOOO HOOO...BEAT HIM IN THE PREZ SITE AND THEN BLAST HIS SORRY A$$ ON A RANGE...WOW THAT WOULD BE GREAT.......STILL DIDNT GET MY PUTER BACK YET....SO IM HOPING ILL GET IT SOON...UNTIL THEN ...YOU GUYS BE COOL. ill try to be in here tommorw....sorry about the damn caps.....Mike |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 10:51 PM |
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warning: dates in calender are closer than they appear |
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 29 Aug 2012 10:55 PM |
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Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live forever...(provided by my friend "jay")
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Shiloh
Posts:582
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| 30 Aug 2012 11:23 AM |
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Fossil found of father of all Liberals! |
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| I like my guns towed & crew-served!
http://www.nps.gov/stri/
http://www.blockaderunner.com/
http://www.9thky.org/
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SGINGRAS
Posts:1103
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| 30 Aug 2012 07:30 PM |
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YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT INTERESTED IN USED
FARM EQUIPMENT,
BUT YOU
MIGHT ENJOY THIS AD TAKEN FROM
CRAIG'S LIST.
FIFTY YEAR OLD MANURE SPREADER - $1
(White House, WASHINGTON, DC)
Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand.
Said to have been produced in Kenya.
Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled
into the US via Hawaii.
Of questionable pedigree.
Does not appear to have ever been worked hard.
Apparently, it was pampered by various owners over the years.
It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can sling{1}**** for
amazing distances.
I am hoping to retire the manure spreader this November.
I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way.
I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader
out of the country.
I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the
United States Constitution.
Location: Currently being stored in a big white house in Washington, D.C
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mwalton7
Posts:456
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| 31 Aug 2012 10:08 PM |
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Thanks everyone for keeping this going for me...ill come back..and try my best to ammuse every body again...still waiting on the big puter. I Will try in a few ..to try to post more jokes...again thanx |
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