Hunting Forum

Tarzan lives in the african forrest with apes for thirty years with only odd shaped hole in the trees to have sex with....Jane a reporter hears of this and flies to africa to see for herself. Shes walking thruogh the jungle when she comes to clearing and sees tarzan going after a wild cider tree.Shes amazed and in awe at the pwer the man has. Jane comes out of hiding and decides to give herself to him.She takes off her clothes then reclines on the tall grass...Tarzan sees her and runs up to her..and gives her crotch a hard kick.Jane screams out in pain,"What in the hell did you do that for?"He replies,"Tarzan always check for squirriels first."

Ol George is on his deathbed ...The family calls their pastor and gathers with the family around the bed.OlGeorge starts struggling..and motions for a pen and paper.The poor man barely wites down his note and hands it to the pastor and dies shortly afterward.The pastor thinking it was a bad time to read the note slipped into his jacket pocket.At the funeral and the service was complete..the pastor remembered he was wearing the same jacket as when George had passed. The pastor said oohh yeah i forgot George had left a note and im sure it will say something inspiational...He pulls it out and reads aloud,"YOUR STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE YOU IDIOT!" lmao

My friend told me last week that when he dies he wants to go like his grandfather did...in his sleep.....not like the rest of the family screaming in the car.....he thinks he was driving...lol

A new guy has his first day working at the local grocery store.Anelderly walks up to him asks,"how much for a half a head of cabbage?"The young man says sorry sir we only sell them in whole heads."Well the man said i only need half a head of cabbage ."Yes sir ill go speak to the manager right now....he winds his way around to the back of the store and finds the manager."Sir some b@tth@le wants to buy a half a head of cabbage"then the young man notices that the man had followed him to the back. In which he quickly added and this gentleman wants to buy the other half.The manager says ( with a smile) "sell it to him at half price."After the man leaves the manager says,"thats what we need around here is someone that can think on his feet real fast."He says to the new employee"where do you come from son?"Im from minnesota. Well why did yo move here? Theirs nothing there but{1}*****s and hockey players sir."Really?...My wife comes from minnesota!" Great what team did she play for?.....lol

Thats prostitutes and hockey players..sorry i dont control all the words here

A officer in the army orders a young private to go out and retrieve a dispatch.Under consideable fire the private goes out onto the feild of combat and ducking and dodging returns with the dispatch under heavyfire..The officer says "Im reccomending you for a medal..without you the enemy would have found the locations to our secret wharehouses...The private yells,"wharehouses?" i thought you said{1}*****houses!

a married cople made a pact that if one died the other would come back and tell the other what the after life is like.Mary is worried that there is no heaven.Well they both live a good life and fred passes away first.Fred comes back late at night and says"mary.....mary... she wakes up and asks..Fred is that you?Yes it is i. Quick fred tell me how is it?Well i wakeup and have sex,then i take a break and have sex again,then a bathe in the sun and then have sex2 more times.I then have lunch and then have sex all afternoon into the early evening until bedtime.Then i start all over again the next day.She states "Fred you must truly be in heaven."He says,"Hell no Mary im a rabbit.in Kansas." lol

A young lady is feeling down and is teetering on suicide on a bridge.A man walks by and sees the chick in despair....He offers his help and holds her and then asks whats wrong...She says her husband left her and that nobody cares about her at all.The man tries to reason with her and tells her ..."ill take care of you."Ill stowe you away on my ship and ill feed you,and we will go to paris..where we will live the perfect life"she thinks what did she have to lose and agrees to it.For about 8 days he brings her a few sandwhiches...she eats them and has sex with him...On the 9th night the captain raises the tarp on the life boat and discovers the young lady."HE says what are you doing here?"She replies 1 of your crew memebers is taking care of me till i get to paris and hes been screwing me everynight.He replys "you got that right maam......this is the statten ferry!"

A woman and a man that do not know each other are on a train and have the same sleeping carraige.The man in the top bunk and her in the bottom bunk.Late at night the man wakes the woman and says hes very cold"could you please get me another blanket please?"She say why not just for tonight act like we are married."He says great, okay..sounds awsome.""SHE SAYS GOOD GET UP AND GET YOUR OWN BLANKET!"

An 80 year old man went for his annual checkup.The doctor says,"your in great shape how are you feeling?"The man repies,"i have an 18 year old bride and shes pregnant with my baby...what do you think about that?"The doctor says"let me tell you a story." A friend of mine is an avid hunter.One day he leaves the house with an umbrella instead of his rifle.Hes in the woods when he comes across a grizzly bear,he takes the umbrella ,points it the bear and pulls the handle.The bear dies at his feet.The elderly man says thats bs..somebody else shot that bear!....Thats what im kind of getting at...says the doctor

Nina and Liz are having lunch together..when Nina asks Liz.."hows your sex life going? Liz says"Well im having social security sex right now."Nina asks,"social security sex,whats that?"Liz respondes,"You know...a little each month..but not enough to live on." lol

A lady dean at an all exclusive girls college is giving a sexual morality class.She says"young women of today are under alot of peer pressure...does an hour of pleasure worth a life time of shame?"A chick in the back row asks" HOW DO YOU MAKE IT LAST AN HOUR?" lol

Two soldiers finally had a lull in the fighting and had a chance to rest.The 1st soldier asked the 2nd one "Why did you join the army?" "Well i joined because i did not have a wife and i loved war.?Then the 2nd soldier asked,"Why did you join?"The 1st soldier replied,"I have a wife and i love peace." lmao

Off and running again...A man at a super mareket notices a very attractive woman waving at him.He walks up to her and she says"hello, i think your the father of one of my kids.He thinks back to the only time he has been unfaithful to his wife."Were you the one i made love to at my bachelor party, on the pool table ,while your partner whipped me me with a wet stalk of celery,while my friends watched?"She replied..."n-no im your sons teacher." lol

A well-stacked secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young aggresive boss motioned her into his office and closed the door. He pointed at her butt and asked,"Is that for sale?"' " Of course not !" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.Unchanged ...he replied,"Then i suggest you stop advertising it."

A young woman is taking a yearly exam. Hre doctor tells her to remove clothes which she does reluctanly. The poor woman says i know im kinda fat,i feel ashamed that i have let myself go.The physician check her eyes and and ears and says,"You dont look that bad." "She says really doctor?" he says"Of course,"and puts a tongue depressor up to her face and says, Now just open your mouth and say moo.

MENS MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL
Cover charge...$15
round of drinks...$23
table dance...$30
another round of drinks...$23
couch dance and tips...$50
a round of shots...$34
private dance in hotel room...$300
being able to send her on her way and never have to hear her complain....
***PRICELESS***

A middle aged woman is waiting in line to be checked out at the grocery store.She eyes the young male sacker and starts to have fantasies.When its her turn she watches the young man and ask him to take her groceries out for her...They are walking to toward her car when she says,"young man..i have an itchy{1}*****." He replies, Im sorry maam youll have to point it out all these foriegn models look the same to me." lmao

errr..thats punanny..sorry guys and gals

A salman knocks on the door and a 12 year old answers with a burning cigar in 1 hand and a half full bottle of scotch in the other.The man asks,"Is your mom or dad home?" The twelve year old respndes ,"does it freakin look like it?!!!"