holly
Posts:2228
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| 25 Dec 2012 09:24 PM |
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This is from Idaho With
the world the way it is today, everyone is seeing images in their food -
from Jesus on a piece of toast to George Washington on a chicken
nugget. Now finally someone has found the image of Obama on a potato..... .  |  | |  Post Options
 Quote  Reply Posted: Yesterday at 9:51am | |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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Lunkerdog
Posts:899
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 30 Dec 2012 10:12 AM |
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I'm surprised no one got decked...  http://www.heaven666.org/embed/58709 |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 30 Dec 2012 08:22 PM |
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BLACK BRA SIZE 38
The Business Deal
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned
establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper,
known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare
and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his
suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining
stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do
with all these black bras?"The Chinese guy answers: "I cut
them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00
each."
....and this is why the Chinese own
us!
Business
is Business!
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ternera1
Posts:333
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| 31 Dec 2012 03:03 PM |
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Baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not... A Congress!
(Note: I hadn't heard that before, so I looked it up. It is correct)
A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
That pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington !
You just can’t make this stuff up. |
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| "You" showed us you were not prejudist the first time around. Now you showed us you are stupid and voted for him. Hello Idiocracy! N. Florida red neck |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 02 Jan 2013 05:39 PM |
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Rare footage of Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke's childhood has recently surfaced... http://i.imgur.com/XaiUx.gif |
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holly
Posts:2228
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| 05 Jan 2013 11:16 AM |
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opic: johnie
Posted: Yesterday at 7:33pm
A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.
Joey says "A computer." The teacher replies, "That would be very useful."
Kimmy says "A new lawn mower." and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says "At my house we don't need anything!"
The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "No I'm sure. When Obama was re-elected,
I remember my dad saying,
'Well, that's the last fxxxxxg thing we needed |
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holly
Posts:2228
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| 08 Jan 2013 08:37 PM |
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Topic: Don't let your wife read this...
Posted: Yesterday at 4:51pm
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world |
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holly
Posts:2228
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| 12 Jan 2013 07:52 PM |
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Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'
The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the{1}******* - and they are interchangeable'.
Due to the increased price of ammo, do not expect a "warning" shot,response time will be measured in feet per second
Back to Top
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holly
Posts:2228
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| 14 Jan 2013 11:42 AM |
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
...
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
The journey is the destination.
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 15 Jan 2013 03:51 PM |
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LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY'S .. SHE LOOKS AROUND,
SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET
AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT...
AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY,
SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS...
VERY EMBARRASSED,
SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY
TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED
HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS
THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR...
AS SHE TURNS AROUND,
HER WORST NIGHTMARE
MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM
OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER...
GOOD LOOKING AS WELL ..
COOL AS A CUCUMBER,
HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES
ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY'S...
HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH,
'GOOD DAY, MADAM .. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY???
BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE,
BUT STILL
HOPING THAT
THE SALESMAN
SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE 'INCIDENT',
SHE ASKS, 'SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET ??'
HE ANSWERS,
"MADAM .. IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT -
YOU'RE GOING TO{1}**** WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE .."
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grandpops
Posts:396
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| 16 Jan 2013 05:05 AM |
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Took my grandkids to a drive-in dinner last summer for a cool refreshment on a hot day.
A Jeep pulls in next to us with some older kids in it. Obviously sun worshipers by their lack of shirts.
My granddaughter keeps staring at the driver of the Jeep with a confused look. Finally I hear this ...
Poppie, Why does he have an earring through his boobie?
My reply, Sometimes when they release college kids into the wild, they tag them for later identification. You gonna finish your ice cream? |
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| Fred, Cleburne, Tx.
NRA Life Member, NAHC Life Member, DU, USN Vet, NRA Certified Instructor
"A gun is like a parachute.
If you need one, and don't have one,
you'll probably never need one again." |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 17 Jan 2013 04:55 PM |
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I went to see a Muslim tribute band concert last night.
They were called “Bomb Jovi”. They were brilliant.
Their last song “Living on a Prayer Mat” almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.
I was interested so I asked him, “Can you burn me a copy?”
Well that was when the trouble started
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ternera1
Posts:333
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| 17 Jan 2013 05:55 PM |
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How long is the line?
*EXCELLENT!!!!*
There is a social art known to a few and that is the ability to come up
with the perfect retort at the perfect time. *
When former top U.S. military commander in Afghanistan Stanley McChrystal
got called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren't
going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting Obama
in his political role as President.
"It's not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it's my job
to support you as Commander-in-Chief," McChrystal replied.
Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal's resignation, the President made
a cheap parting shot. "I bet when I die you'll be happy to piss on my grave."
The General saluted. "Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the
Army I'd never stand in line again."
Col. USMC (Ret.)
"Semper Fi"
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| "You" showed us you were not prejudist the first time around. Now you showed us you are stupid and voted for him. Hello Idiocracy! N. Florida red neck |
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Steve
Posts:1672
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| 18 Jan 2013 10:19 AM |
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Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT.
SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
:
I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just
put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to
me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
"Well,
Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of
money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all
that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
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| Steve:
OSOK - Poughkeepsie, NY |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 19 Jan 2013 02:37 PM |
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Comparisons of Common Euphemisms
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DEMOCRAT
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REPUBLICAN
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Arsenal of Weapons
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Gun Collection
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Delicate Wetlands
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Swamp
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Undocumented Worker
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Illegal Alien
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Cruelty-Free Materials
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Synthetic Fiber
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Assault and Battery
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Attitude Adjustment
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Heavily Armed
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Well-protected
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Narrow-minded
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Righteous
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Taxes or Your Fair Share
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Coerced Theft
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Commonsense Gun Control
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Gun Confiscation Plot
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Illegal Hazardous Explosives
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Fireworks for Stump Removal
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Non-viable Tissue Mass
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Unborn Baby
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Equal Access to Opportunity
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Socialism
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Multicultural Community
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High Crime Area
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Fairness or Social Progress
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Marxism
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Upper Class or "The Rich "
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Self-Employed
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Progressive, Change
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Big Government Scheme
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Homeless or Disadvantaged
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Bums or Welfare Leeches
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Sniper Rifle
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Scoped Deer Rifle
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Investment For the Future
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Higher Taxes
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Healthcare Reform
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Socialized Medicine
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Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater
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Conservative
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Truants
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Home schoolers
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Victim or Oppressed
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Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
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High Capacity Magazine
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Standard Capacity Magazine
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Religious Zealot
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Church-going
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Reintroduced Wolves
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Sheep and Elk Killers
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Fair Trade Coffee
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Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
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Exploiters or "The Rich "
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Employed or Land Owner
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The Gun Lobby
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NRA Members
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Assault Weapon
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Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine)
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Fiscal Stimulus
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New Taxes and Higher Taxes
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Same Sex Marriage
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Legalized Perversion
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Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting
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Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs
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Accepted Facts
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Horse Shit
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grandpops
Posts:396
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| 27 Jan 2013 08:53 AM |
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When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of worship
were not spared.
A local television station interviewed a black woman from New Jersey
and asked how the loss of churches in the area would affect their lives.
Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know 'bout all those
other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye's."
The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.
They live among us, AND THEY VOTE.
Now, do you understand how we got our president
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| Fred, Cleburne, Tx.
NRA Life Member, NAHC Life Member, DU, USN Vet, NRA Certified Instructor
"A gun is like a parachute.
If you need one, and don't have one,
you'll probably never need one again." |
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SGINGRAS
Posts:981
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| 27 Jan 2013 03:10 PM |
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Americans With No Abilities Act – SB113
Washington , DC (SENUS) - President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are proposing sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a non-abled person, I can ' t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Another Senate bill sponsor Sen. Dick Durbin said: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
# # # #
For more information:
Office of U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer
112 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
(202) 224-3553
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yote
Posts:743
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| 27 Jan 2013 05:39 PM |
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I thought this was a humor thread,not non-fiction |
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| so goes the church, so goes the nation |
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