Hunting Forum

lol, I kind of knew that this thread was started rather tongue in cheek, but some good cihit. ;-) As for whining, have you ever seen me being bashful? I don't think so Tim... People may not agree with me and ometimes I P people off, but that's just life and folks either move on, or not...

Can openers? You mean the p40s? If that's it, you're most welcome. One on every one of my keychains so I'm never without one.

oh, and your welcome. ;-)

One of the most viewed threads, in the most viewed thread, Humor, in misscellaneous, which is alot of politics. Just goes to show humor and controversy get the most attention.

Yes sir ,MR. Ckell, Im rather proud of it myself. I like to boast to my friends how many views I get. LOL

Once upon a time, a pilot asked a beautiful princess, “Will you marry me?”…………

The princess said, "No!"

And pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Captain Morgan and never heard{1}*****ing and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftover meals, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up……..The end.

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page


Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid


Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage


Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams


Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner


Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half


Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet


Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.


Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Hell, I'da given him a 100% and the poor sob got a zero...

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page


Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid


Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage


Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams


Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner


Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half


Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet


Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.


Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page


Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid


Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage


Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams


Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner


Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half


Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet


Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.


Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Butt-Lift at your good old Wal-Mart Medical Center. What were you expecting? YGWYPF

opic: polish pickle slicer
Posted: 13 Dec 2012 at 10:57am
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle
slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help
from the factory psycologist
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead
and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became
alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully
confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer
He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and
he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his
pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She
looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."
Limit politicians to two terms, one in office and one in prison"
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Charlotte49er View Drop Down

pic: Frozen windows‏
Posted: Yesterday at 7:32pm
Wife texts her husband at work on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen."

Husband texts back: "Pour some luke warm water over it."

Wife texts back: "Computer completely screwed up now

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on.


So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.


When the angel returned, he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'


So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.


When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good. God was not pleased .


So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?







Okay, ……………I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out
of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first
place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify
in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he
takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking
about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, Ask him
again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase,
buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."


....Now don't you just love lawyers?

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I

would like an X - Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for

Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

* *
Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to

get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you

something you can go outside and play with.*

Merry Christmas,*

Santa Claus***

* *
Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract,

set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to

granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this

joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at

my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit

trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it

a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,

well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been

on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the

bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was

attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends

into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys

and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console,

my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T - Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G - banger wannabe? "He sees

you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,

genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people

that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll

all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you

asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in

you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That's what I thought you little{1}*******.

Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I

would like an X - Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for

Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

* *
Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to

get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you

something you can go outside and play with.*

Merry Christmas,*

Santa Claus***

* *
Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract,

set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to

granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this

joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at

my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit

trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it

a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,

well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been

on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the

bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was

attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends

into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys

and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console,

my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T - Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G - banger wannabe? "He sees

you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,

genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people

that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll

all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you

asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in

you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That's what I thought you little{1}*******.

Santa

Sorry about the link but I was crying going through these... 25 best examples of
auto-correct screw-ups by phone software...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-...ts-of-2012

hahahahaha! Now thats freakin funny!

good-un Steve.

Hot chili.
Posted: 03 May 2008 at 11:15pm
It's long, but it is worth the read. I think it is safe to say we've all been there a time or two.


I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that
course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had
prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're
definitely going to **** yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to
the point of being painful.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two
cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No
'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way
through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the
usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder
and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just
when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store
that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a
cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It
wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms
that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm
talking about I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always
seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was
different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a
revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the
small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and
before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which
would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly
enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been
recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor
might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the
lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it,
just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her
reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate,
as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two
different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some
of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as
she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of
odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and
running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head
as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel
terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things
'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an
explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and
echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked,
fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced
off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the
whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took
place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began
the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my
ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in
the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a
gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonof{1}*****!', then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled
cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee
approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few
minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.
The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two
which ought to take care of the problem.'

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape
me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to
cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S
YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was
unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not
to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was
nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The
next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that
because we are in court over the whole matter.{1}*******s claim they're
going to have to repaint the store...
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durant View Drop Down

A Beautiful Story of Marriage and Communication Between a Husband and Wife...

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.

Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

"Well," he said, "I'm in the bar right next to it."

HOORAH!!!!!!....MOWGLE..... NOW thats good shit...way to go bro.

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot,they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner, about whether it would really work out.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment.
Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, "Was that one word or two?"