Photo courtesy of gregor_y.
Boy howdy, we've hit the big time. We now have Jeff Foxworthy as a fellow blogger. I kinda feel like I'm now the opening act for Elvis. OK, maybe not Elvis, but you get the idea.
So, out of nothing but respect, and with all necessary apologies due to Mr. Foxworthy, I present to you the first-ever "You might be an Elmer Fudd if ..." list. Don't send me hate mail if you realize you are indeed like this non-rabbit-killing cartoon character. Send it straight to Foxworthy. After all, he started all this and, well, he needs to be welcomed to our world. Enjoy.
You might be an Elmer Fudd if ...
1. you do all your shooting from the hip.
2. your gun is bigger than you are.
3. you hunt everything with a double-barreled shotgun.
4. you're hunting but don't know what's in season. "Missa Game Wawden, I'm a hunt'n ducks 'n' wabbits 'n' deers, but what season is it willy."
5. your wife tells her friends her husband is a "wabbit hunter."
6. you use your riflescope to see who that hunter up on the ridge is.
7. you think a rattle bag is your mother-in-law.
8. you hear loud, crescendo orchestra music in your head when you see deer tracks.
9. you think Mountain Dew (Mount'n do) is buck lure.
10. you think wild hogs are a gang of bikers.
11. you are obsessed with killing one single rabbit—the one that lives out back under the shed.
12. you whisper even when you are just talking about hunting.
13. you think "Giant Canadas" are a race of people from Canada who are really, really tall.
14. you think a kisser button is what you have to push to get your wife to kiss you.
15. you think you can't shoot Merriam's wild turkeys because Ms. Merriam will get mad.
16. you believe that "exotics" are only seen at the strip club over on the west side of town.
17. you think a "strut zone" is where the section in front of the bar where you brag about your hunts.
18. you believe "still hunting" is looking for where they used to make moonshine.
19. you believe a cervid is magical beast who lives in the swamp, captures hunters and turns them into love slaves. You've been looking for one your entire hunting career.
20. You're sure a satellite bull is the big satellite in the sky that controls elk movement.
And for the final clue you might be an Elmer Fudd: You pull your gun's trigger and a red flag comes out of the barrel with the word "BANG" on it.